Best 708 quotes in «sarcasm quotes» category

I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.

I don't mind what language an opera is sung in so long as it is the language I don't understand.

I'd to do more stuff with less sarcasm.

I do sarcasm really poorly.

I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.

If the French were really intelligent, they'd speak English.

I find that the further I go back, the better things were, whether they happened or not.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

If you're choking in a restaurant you can just say the magic words, 'Heimlich maneuver,' and all will be well. Trouble is, it's difficult to say 'Heimlich maneuver' when you're choking to death.

I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.

I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me.

If the world should blow itself up, the last audible voice would be that of an expert saying it can't be done.

If you can find something everyone agrees on, it's wrong.

If you drink like a fish, don't drive: swim.

If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.

I have my own views about Nature's methods, though I feel that it is rather like a beetle giving his

I grew up in an environment of jokes and sarcasm and puns. I talk that way, so I write that way.

I have seen slower people than I am and more deliberate... and even quieter, and more listless, and lazier people than I am. But they were dead.

I just want you that's it. All your flaws, mistakes, smiles, giggles, jokes, sarcasm. Everything. I just want you

In order to fully realize how bad a popular play can be, it is necessary to see it twice.

I have only one ambition left: I should like to have a good epitaph.

I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough.

I love Americans, but not when they try to talk French. What a blessing it is that they never try to talk English.

It ain't often that a man's reputation outlasts his money.

I see little hope for democracy as an effective form of government, but I admire the poetry of how it makes its victims complicit in their own destruction.

I thought the line 'I am the daughter of the former governor of Alaska' was very funny. I think the word is 'sarcasm.' In my family we think laughing is good. My parents raised me to have a sense of humor and to live a normal life.

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.

I squirm when I see athletes praying before a game. Don't they realize that if God took sports seriously he never would have created George Steinbrenner.

It's a plastic surgeon you need, not a doctor

I think you want a little unofficial help. Three undetected murders in one year won't do, Lestrade. But you handled the Molesey Mystery with less than your usual - that's to say, you handled it fairly well.

It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one considers that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies.

It is after you have lost your teeth that you can afford to buy steaks.

It's better to be black than gay because when you're black you don't have to tell your mother.

It's easier to replace a dead man than a good picture.

I would like to live in Manchester, England. The transition between Manchester and death would be unnoticeable.

It is quite untrue that British people don't appreciate music. They may not understand it but they absolutely love the noise it makes.

I want either less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.

It's a fitting irony that under Richard Nixon "launder" became a dirty word.

I was so furious I was actually dizzy with it. There were so many bitchy, sarcastic observations to make, I was having a sarcasm stroke. "My God! You people! You're - you're so stupid you're making my eyeballs throb. They're throbbing, dammit!

Laws are like sausages, it is better not to see them being made.

Krzhizhanovsky wanted to perform imaginary experiments with the nature of time and space. Outside, in the streets, the Communist state was busy performing such experiments for real. In response, Krzhizhanovsky's prose has a recklessly unstable tone in which delighted examination of impossible worlds can slip into ferocious political sarcasm.... It is a method for investigating how much unreality reality can bear.

I would like to take you seriously, but to do so would be an affront to your intelligence.

Living, as I do, in an educated and scientific atmosphere, I could not have conceived that the first principles of zoology were so little known. Is it possible that you do not know the elementary fact in comparative anatomy, that the wing of a bird is really the forearm, while the wing of a bat consists of three elongated fingers with membranes between?

Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before.

Ministers fall like buttered slices of bread: usually on their good side.

Many wealthy people are little more than janitors of their possessions.

Most vegetarians look so much like the food they eat that they can be classified as cannibals.

My films often have a very strong strain of irony, or even sarcasm, which is definitely related to homosexual camp. But it is by no means straightforward: quite often I am sincere when I appear to be sarcastic, and I am sarcastic when I appear to be sincere. I also try to contradict myself at least once a day, which is a camp must.

My brothers are both 6 ft. 5 in., and if you have younger brothers who are bigger than you then you have to learn the ancient martial art of sarcasm.