Best 15707 quotes in «humor quotes» category

A sense of humor has been linked with longevity. It is a possibility that the mental attitude reflected in a lively sense of humor is an important factor predisposing some people toward long life.

A sense of humor is a major defense against minor troubles.

A sense of humor isn't everything. It's only 90 percent of everything.

A sense of humor is the ability to understand a joke-and that the joke is oneself.

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

A sense of humor is so handy, isn't it? It lets you see both sides of a question so that you never need do anything.

A sense of humor judges one's actions and the actions of others from a wider reference. It pardons shortcomings, it consoles failure.

A serious and good philosophical work could be written consisting entirely of jokes.

As for George Bush of Kennebunkport, Maine- personally I think he's further evidence that the Great Scriptwriter in the Sky has an overdeveloped sense of irony.

As far as humor goes, I've always been a very insecure person and I've always wanted to be liked.

A sharp sense of the ironic can be the equivalent of the faith that moves mountains. Far more quicky than reason or logic, irony can penetrate rage and puncture self-pity.

A sequel is an admission that you've been reduced to imitating yourself.

As for the demented, I hold it certain that all beings deprived of reason are thus afflicted only by the Devil.

As humourless a lump of dough as ever held a torchlight vigil outside the South African Embassy or stuck an AIDS awareness ribbon on an unwilling first-nighter.

A sleeping bag is a tortilla for a human.

As I would not be a slave, so I would not be a master. This expresses my idea of democracy.

As long as the people who kinda wanna go kill other people are going to go kill other people who kinda wanna go kill other people, you're killing all the right people and opening up all the best parking spaces.

A snake bite emergency kit is a body bag.

As one reads history ... one is absolutely sickened, not by the crimes that the wicked have committed, but by the punishments that the good have inflicted.

Asking an incumbent member of Congress to vote for term limits is a bit like asking a chicken to vote for Colonel Sanders.

As long as you're a tax deduction, you'll always be safe in my house.

A socialist is somebody who doesn't have anything, and is ready to divide it up equally among everybody.

A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in the morning: We're government workers.

As you can see, I speak many languages, including the language of sex.

As we're staggering out of the hospital, I don't remember doing this because I was still high, but apparently I turned to the entire operating room staff and screamed "Hey! I'd better not see this on YouTube!

A taste for irony has kept more hearts from breaking than a sense of humor, for it takes irony to appreciate the joke which is on oneself.

At least black people knew when they were slaves; you remain clueless.

As soon as you lay down, that's when the most bizarre things start coming out of her mouth. 'Goodnight, baby.' 'Do you think we were together in a past life?' 'Yeah, and I died of sleep deprivation. Go to bed.' 'Don't you feel like we're soul...'

At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.

A tough guy told me, "I'll bet you $10 you're dead." I was afraid to bet him.

At bank, post office or supermarket, there is one universal law which you ignore at your own peril: the shortest line moves the slowest.

At Poltersberg, there is a lake similarly cursed. If you throw a stone into it, a dreadful storm immediately arises, and the whole neighboring district quakes to its centre. 'Tis the devils kept prisoner there.

A traffic policeman stops Sister Bridget for speeding. She pulls into the side of the road and winds down her window. The officer walks round and starts undoing his fly. "Oh dear," she says, "Not the breathalyser again.

A travel agent told I could spend 7 nights in HAWAII no days just nights.

A true sonnet goes eight lines and then takes a turn for better or worse and goes six or eight lines more.

At the end, excitement maintained its hysteria.

A truly comic, invented world must live at the same time as the world we live in.

At the end of my trial, I was rather hoping the judge would send me to Australia for the rest of my life.

At the end of six innings of play, it's Montreal 5, Expos 3.

A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot's ribs and demanded: 'Take me to the canaries'.

At one point he decided enough was enough.

At my hotel room, my friend came over and asked to use the phone. I said Certainly. He said Do I need to dial 9 I say Yeah. Especially if it's in the number. You can try four and five back to back real quick.

At NBC I wasn't really sure if the grandparents were going to get my sense of humor on a particular topic.

At the factory, I deal with ex-cons, substance abusers, and sexual harassers. And I'm not just talking about my mom.

At the upcoming Grammy Awards, Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony will perform together as the first time, as man and wife. Hopefully music.

At what age do you think it's appropriate to tell a highway it's adopted?

AT&T is now offering a new service that allows you to pay your bills through your TV screen by using your remote control. So instead of saying, "The check's in the mail," people are going to say, "Hey, I wanted to pay, but I couldn't find the remote.

Avoid popularity if you would have peace.

A wholesome sense of humor will be a safety valve that will enable you to apply the lighter touch to heavy problems and to learn some lessons in problem solving that "sweat and tears" often fail to dissolve.

Australia is an outdoor country. People only go inside to use the toilet. And that's only a recent development.